Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
