meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
farters have to be the big spoon...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
