Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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