Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
