Hey man sorry I got all grabby
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
