I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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