so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
