YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
