I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
