She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The ass gains better be worth it
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