i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
