You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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