Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize