Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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