My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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