My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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