Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
