I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
