SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize