Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
