I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
