I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
