Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
