tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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