i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize