Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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