If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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