speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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