I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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