Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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