I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
