You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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