i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
