As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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