there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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