My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
