Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize