girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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