So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize