she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
