you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
