hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So much rum. So many feels.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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