Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
