I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
