im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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