Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
