Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
