happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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