i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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