I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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