I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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