the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize