she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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