just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
