When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
