Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
