it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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