I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize