remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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