thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
