do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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