Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
