I can text with my tongue
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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