tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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