Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
