His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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