She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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