I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
