There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
