i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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