so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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