I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
