hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
