operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
